And that's not certain, but it's on fire. and it's fucking intense. and it's amazing and it's terrible. and it's the greatest feeling and the worst feeling. but for every time it's the worst feeling, there's an even more fulfilling, amazing, commanding form of beauty and connection and FUCKING REALNESS that comes with it. because emotion is a spectrum and if you don't have one, you don't have the other. happiness isn't constant it's brutal. it's messy and gritty and it's gorgeous and it's eventual, not instant and forever. so if what you want is sugar-coated and almost there, than i'm not what you want.
