repeat ending

listen to music i should have listened to three years ago, and my own mother believes my younger sibling will give her grand children before  me

sometimes my cleavage looks phenomenal, but i'm always self conscious about it that it's not even worth it

am cursed to love men who can't seem to love themselves, and there's a special place in heaven for those who believe there's a special place in heaven

wonder what it's gonna be like to live in a society 

where the smog of christian values doesn't hang over a government that's 'free of religion' but chained to the God we entrust

don't want to pay for sorrow

it's why i can never see those sad singers live

wanna get so lost that i forget that someone is paying for all of this

that's the new freedom

but

instead

sometimes

bare my teeth and eat the fat off overcooked animal flesh, thinking about it on four legs and not belly up

and instead of saying it direct

i write to him, "you're my bukowski, but you're probably a better fuck"

so coy because that is a line i've probably been waiting to write for years

500 miles away, can he feel my hopeful sadness seeping through phone lines

give him parts of me to remember, thinking, he just wants to forget.

taught to kill 

but clumsily learned how to live

remind myself that not everybody is like me… 

and

try to figure out if that's more comedy than tragedy

i'll laugh either way.

happy boy in black

happy boy in black

you sang a johnny cash cover before i knew you were a singer

and talked zero shit

cared about my torn ACL

before you were fucking me

asked me if cigarettes or your tattoos were a problem

said let's get out of here, without saying it

said lets go somewhere, who cares where

did every thing right

did it perfect

said my last name in your head until you got it right on the first try

didn't buy my dinner, bought everyone's dinner

told me you wanted to see me again

you needed to see me again

after a day of knowing me

i thought you were fucking off your meds

i thought you were fucked in the head

maybe i'll never know why you thought i was

the one you'd choose to love

you told me i love you, drunk 

i told you, drunk

we were intoxicating

we were intoxicated, out cold

untold

you brought me whiskey on our first date

and bought the hotel that we left late

you bought my drinks and we danced

in a bar, where we didn't know anyone

where we didn't have to be anything

we were new. 

we were unrivaled.

unstoppable

now where is our love?

hidden under the pressure of normalcy 

covered in the cobwebs these ghosts keep leaving behind

pissed on by annoyance and petty dispositions

where is our love?

buried under the Pacific ocean and trampled by the distance we travel on

cracked and caked with dust of uncertain trust, 

if you could go back, would you say, i'm just here to have a good time?

would we agree, to make love and make time, and be done when it's done 

but you say Lenny Kravitz is so underrated. you might be the only person ever saying that, but I am choosing to believe that "it aint over til it's over"

cuz our love, is just that, ours

and for a while we let outside instances bruise it like a ripe peachy

but im fuckin juicy and ready to cut loose

and you're going to drink me up, cuz i've got life to spare

and you've got love under there

i've seen it free flow. i've watched you be alive and happy and i know, there's something to this.

this is "something else," 

unless the fear of it not being everything else

lets us relapse back to old habits 

like walking a tight rope only we know how to balance on

i've made it to the other side

and i don't want to go back.